Category Archives: Funny
I first read this punny story in Reader’s Digest at my Grandma and Granddaddy’s house when I was about seven. I still laugh when I think about the punch line! Enjoy, and Merry Christmas!
Big chess tournament
The big chess tournament was taking place at the Plaza in New York. After the first day’s competition, many of the winners were sitting around in the foyer of the hotel talking about their matches and bragging about their wonderful play. After a few drinks they started getting louder and louder until finally, the desk clerk couldn’t take any more and kicked them out.
The next morning the Manager called the clerk into his office and told him there had been many complaints about his being so rude to the hotel guests….instead of kicking them out, he should have just asked them to be less noisy. The clerk responded, “I’m sorry, but if there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”
We have to keep our energy costs down during the “peak hours” of 3-6PM when the electricity costs twice what it does during the rest of the day. This usually means we turn off our A/C and retire to the pool for that time period. Thankfully, it’s ‘only’ been around 100 the last few days, so the apartment isn’t too hot when we get home. Yesterday, we didn’t start feeling warm until after I’d made dinner. That’s when I asked Jonathan (6) to go turn on the A/C.
“It’s not working, Mom!”
“OK, I’ll get it later.”
After tucking the kids in bed, I walked past the thermostat and flicked on the A/C without really looking. Then I went to bed with Josh (23 months). It had been a long day.
Anthony came to bed later and mentioned that it was cold. “So go turn off the air,” I mumbled sleepily. “I’m not the one who turned it on,” he shot back. Stellar logic.
At 4:30, I was awakened from a lovely dream of watching the snow fall outside our window in Colorado by PG-13 exclamations from Anthony about how freezing he was, and he finally jumped out of bed to turn off the A/C. “WHO TURNED IT ALL THE WAY DOWN?” he yelled (I’m sure our neighbors LOVE us).
I guess when Jonathan said the A/C wasn’t working, it’s because he moved the wrong switch, and I didn’t notice it when I turned it back on. The apartment was about 55 degrees. The low outside last night was 79. Next month’s electric bill is going to hurt!
It gave us a great excuse to stay in bed a little longer with all the kids and then go hunting for our socks and sweaters before getting to the breakfast table.
At breakfast, the kids were looking at the prizes on the back of the Frosted Mini-Wheat’s box and “claiming” their prizes.
Jonathan: “I get the Legos!”
Hannah: “I get the Cars 2 DVD!”
Jono: “You know, they should have an iPad2. I’d win that!”
Me: “Jonathan, they have TOYS. I don’t think iPads are good prizes for kids.”
Hannah: “Yeah, Mom. That’s what HE said!”
Jono (with eye roll): “Mmmmoooommmm! She’s copying Michael Scott!”
I almost spilled the milk I was frothing, I was laughing so hard!
I’m on a new coupon-clipping, money-saving kick, and while clipping last weekend, I found this little gem. It’s now framed on my fridge, because the truth is often funny. If you feel inclined (and your toddler isn’t drawing on the walls), tell me your best craziest-day-as-a-mom story.
While waiting for the water to boil for the kids’ mac & cheese, I gave them a bowl of cut cantaloupe and popped some popcorn for them to nosh on (since they were STARVING). After a few minutes, I asked “How are you enjoying your amuse bouche?” to which Hannah replied, “Mom! It’s called CAN’T-A-LOPE!”
I chuckled and reminded them of the interesting French phrase we had learned while watching “Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs” earlier this morning.
Which, if you haven’t seen it, you are really missing out. Check it:
Anyways, once the mac & cheese was on the table and I was working through my nachos (I say “no” to fake cheese and “heck yes!” to melted Mexican cheese), Jonathan asked “Mom, how are you enjoying your AM-HUGE POOP?”
I’m still cracking up!
18-month-old boy, cheesy eggs, bacon and water.
Is it just me, or is toddlerhood just one big mess that never gets totally cleaned up? I swear, the kid wears more food than he eats! And then there’s the all important, meals end dumping of the water into the food bits and splashing it everywhere. I’m sparing you the photo, because I’m quite sure you’ll want to enjoy your next bacon and eggs meal. =P
***There is no connecting these two paragraphs. In fact, the previous paragraph has absolutely nothing to do with the rest of this post. I just finished cleaning up the boy and had to say something about it. The real blog post actually starts below.***
I’m editing from home again. An online high school (and soon middle school!) based out of Chandler has hired me and this is the end of my first week of working for them. See, this is the perfect job for me. It’s IMPORTANT for me to be critical of everything I see. It’s nice that my talent for being a nit-picky grammar bitch is finally paying off! And, as Anthony says, it’s important to keep my inner bitch happy. =P
Speaking of staying happy, here’s one of two stacks of books by my bed that I’m planning on reading soon. This is the fiction stack: